Of heart break - Reminder Series

My social media footprint isn't cute. Meaning you couldn't take it to the bank. And, I don't seem interested in making it any better. Facebook gets all the likes and few coments, whatsapp groups get all the 'silent observer' status, twitter gets visited less and less often. But, I discovered Quora and I like it there. So I'd like to share something a very wise lady shared on there about recovering from heartbreaks.

I collated them into 3 categories as separated by the photos and I learned a lot I would like to not forget. I thought you might find some deep truths there too. Enjoy!

" Here are the steps I (Dushku Zapata on Quora) follow to return to the world of the living (after a heartbreak).

I hold on. The first thing I do is remind myself that my feelings are temporary. As surely as this feels like there will never again be light, the fact is it will pass. As impossible as this seems right now, I will get better. Everything will get better.
Hold on. Just hold on.

I assure myself that some day this will matter a lot less. Every one of the thoughts that are unbearable right now will not be unbearable later. He will find someone else. He will love someone else. This will one day not matter.

I remind myself that not being loved and my self worth are not related. Someone not loving me - even someone who once loved me and who now doesn’t love me anymore - has nothing to do with me. Wonderful people are dumped every day. I myself have stopped loving really, really good guys. I am worth loving and what I am going through right now does not indicate that I am not. Associating the two is a fallacy.

Photo credit: pixabay

 I set aside all skepticism and doubt. Was what we had ever real? Did he ever love me? Was this all a lie? All these questions are useless, self destructive and torturous and I am in enough pain. This is enough pain. I don’t invite any more.

I reject anything that will keep me tied to feeling like this. The sense that he wronged me, that I hate him, that I have to get back at him so he can pay for what he’s done. I want to get better. I want to move on and all these feelings are nothing but shackles. 

I stay in the present. Right now I am here with me and I love me. In the past he broke my heart and in the future he will be with someone else and - right here. Right here with me is where it’s at. We will get better if for now we stick to right here, right now.

I throw out any negative talk. You are worthless, unlovable, this was your fault and you are terrible at relationships. Oh, yeah? I am handling as much as I can right now so all you absurd, inaccurate, depressive, negative lies can go wait outside. 

I get out of my head. Honestly, I am so very tired of me. I ask my friends to give me a rest from myself and to instead talk about them. I find someone who could use my help. I volunteer. One day I spent a whole day at an animal shelter petting and holding puppies. I forgot about me for a while. 

Photo credit: pixabay

I surround myself with love. I spend time with my family and friends and rather than fill their ears with the calamitous state of my love life I ask them to list out my qualities. Maybe list them out more than once. Remind me. Remind me why you love me.

I make a list of things I neglected to make room for my relationship. I love to read and now I have time. I love to spend the day alone and wander. I love poetry readings and swimming. I love rock climbing and learning new things.

 I make a list of things I have always wanted to do. I want to go to Savannah, Georgia. I have never been to New Zealand. I want to see the Northern Lights. I want to learn how to make macarons. Or maybe I just want to go to a macaron making class so I can meet other people interested in making macarons.

I remind myself that love is a privilege. That I want to love well. That the only way to get good at this is to practice, and get my heart broken, and recover, and try again "

Photo credit: pixabay

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HUMILITY - Reminder series

It is a great thing to know oneself to be nothing before God, because that is how things are. (Furrow, 260)

Allow me to remind you that among other evident signs of a lack of humility are:

• Thinking that what you do or say is better than what others do or say;
• Always wanting to get your own way;
• Arguing when you are not right or -- when you are -- insisting stubbornly or with bad manners;
• Giving your opinion without being asked for it, when charity does not demand you to do so;
• Despising the point of view of others;
• Not being aware that all the gifts and qualities you have are on loan;
• Not acknowledging that you are unworthy of all honour or esteem, even the ground you are treading on or the things you own;
• Mentioning yourself as an example in conversation;
• Speaking badly about yourself, so that they may form a good opinion of you, or contradict you;
• Making excuses when rebuked;
• Hiding some humiliating faults from your director, so that he may not lose the good opinion he has of you;
• Hearing praise with satisfaction, or being glad that others have spoken well of you;
• Being hurt that others are held in greater esteem than you;
• Refusing to carry out menial tasks;
• Seeking or wanting to be singled out;
• Letting drop words of self-praise in conversation, or words that might show your honesty, your wit or skill, your professional prestige ... ;
• Being ashamed of not having certain possessions 

 (Furrow, 263)

Karol Wojtyla and me - trivia

I spend far too much time online reading what people write.
That would explain why I don't have enough time to write my own stories.
And now put some TV in the mix too.

I am sure if I dig deep enough, I might find my motivation dissipating in all of this.


But you know my secret hopes and wishes about writing more often- so this time I'd spare you. Hopefully actions will speak for themselves.

I like me some Saint John Paul the II. He ticked all my buttons on 'How to be a good Pope (person)'! You know... the category of people that actually ask 'What Would Jesus Do?' I felt really special when I learned that his first visit to Nigeria was on my birthday - ok, ok! He arrived on the 12th of February and I was born on the next day so...let's say he didn't want to miss any part of it.

I always knew about his (first) visit to Nigeria and the nice coincidence with my birth.

I also knew there was an assassination attempt on his life a while back before I was born.

So imagine my aha! moment when at mass, one glorious Sunday, I learned that he was shot at on May 13. Nine months before I was born. Possibly at the moment of my conception - yeah, I might as well be downright dramatic!


The lesson in all of this for me should be FORGIVENESS. I haven't been shot at, at least not literally. And I don't think I need to be Pope to forgive those people who hurt me - that's what Jesus would do! That's what he did!


I'm Work In Progress.

Saint Pope John Paul II. Pray for me