Father's day again

He may not be the best dad in the world
But he is the only one I know
And I think I got the best deal possible

He inspires by words and examples
He is generous soul, always sharing - always giving
He is prudent and unassuming
He is witty and wise

He loves the Lord and puts his money (time) where his mouth (heart) is
He is a protector, a provider and a nuturer
He challenges me to be better than I am
He encourages me in my endeavors
He shields me from the evils of this world as much as anyone can
He teaches me

Yet he lets me speak my mind and he listens without being dismissive
Still I am his little girl - the princess who should never forget that
He is my number 1 mentor
The one who I compare all the other men to
The one who I am proud to be called his daughter!

I pray...
For strength to your limbs
For continual wisdom
For renewal of your faith
For a long and happy life ahead
For smiles both in your heart and on your face
That you feel fulfilled in all your giving and receiving

Bless you dearest Daddy

From 2013 still

So I have missed out many opportunities to share.

About the airport in Walvis Bay versus the kota kinabalu airport; the review of ‘there was once a country’ and following through with the irony of colonization and immigration; about chimmamanda and her hairtitude and the disappointment on watching her interview on BBC; a review of americanah and how its story is that of many of us; on my extreme sensitivity on how people behave towards me, avoid me, ignore me, bully me and maybe the real whys behind it-maybe related to my hair ( I sang that song for a long time ‘I am not my hair’ so I know). Maybe an expose on what I really want to do – what my inner pilot says I shd do – d mistake I am going to make! Also on the opportunities I have misused.

On Americanah!

A very funny book. I found myself laughing carelessly or I should say unashamedly in public while reading this book. I remember 2 incidents: on the train and on the plane seating beside a snobbish portugese couple. Infact, the whole plane was an invasion of snubs. So maybe I laughed a lil too hard because the book I was enjoying was telling a funny story about them from OUR perspective. You know, I am kinda uneasy at CNA’s audacity only for me to realize that it is exactly the same audacity the Westerners have always had – a presumptuous superiority that enables them tell our story from their perspective. Again, like Prof Chinua insisted, there is nothing like the end of the story, you tell your own and let me tell my own. Hopefully in all of the tellings the whole picture will emerge or stand a lil bit closer to truth.  I think CNA has done something very profound by Americanah. Let’s let it out in the open – we can: speak English, have opinions and express ourselves. We have feelings and as recipients of condescension (some of it with good reason e.g. mediocrity of Nigerians) we can reciprocate or at least respond with same feelingness.

I am so excited today that I finally made good on my desire to go to the gym. This is probably the first time I am going to the gym this year - and to think it is almost half year.

First about today:

I will say today is one of the more productive days I have had in a long time (as far as I can remember). Productive, I said. Not pleasant or happy or fulfilling - just a feel-good-rewarding day. It started off as a day that would see me overwhelmed at work and that means it started off on a not-too-good note. Somehow, I determined that I would work to eliminate the workload and with it the attending stress/possibility of stress.

So I set about the many tasks of the day. I must confess I was miffed at the slow pace which I believe was self-inflicted, unjustifiable and a mockery to my diligence. I guess you can say I was justifiably upset. But achieving a set goal in the midst of setbacks is for sure a morale booster. See as I just de tick off on my to-do list.... At the end of the day I had to be careful not to do too much - I heard the mockery in the 'voice' of my appraisal "You have to work smart and not work hard".Anyways, at the end of the day I was raring to go and especially as I had set my mind to also go to the gym!

This brings me to the second thing. The Gym:

I only ever see the insides of a gym while I am at work. It is an acquired taste. One that I cannot seem to replicate when I get home, try as much as I want - and I have not really tried. The acquisition of the taste was borne out of two things: as a method of survival and as a 'forming activity something'. The survival bit, because the need to take fresh air and clear the head while at work becomes mandatory for continued sanity and marginally acceptable mannerisms. There are several activities that one can take part in to make time pass quicker. For a girl surrounded by hard-core men, I came to realize that I am NOT a tomboy. Football and video games don't interest me. And nope, I don't like playing foosball either-at least not with the seriousness I've seen it played. I don't mind watching sha.

Quote of the day: a bad workman...

They say a bad work man quarrels with his tools

and it seems that is what I am all about here but maybe I really have the wrongest part of this job. 

Maybe I should throw the towel in and go home to my babies. Huh?

It’s not me joor! Or maybe I should say it is not just me. 

On this Father's day

Predictably, all the BB DPs and FB statuses announced the occasion in one form or the other. Some in honor of the day, some as a subtle warning and yet others in disclaimer mode!

I remembered my dad on this day especially as we sang "Lord for tomorrow and its needs, I do not pray" in church. If I needed any reminding, this did it.

I have some vivid memories of how we spent our evenings at home while I was growing up. There were days we spent in front of the TV watching mexican soaps and Nigerian sitcoms - laughing or wiping off the occasional tear. On the occasions when there was no power, it would seem we had more fun - entertaining ourselves, arguing and singing. My dad came home one of such evenings from church  when there was no power and we all were gathered in the sitting room gisting and eventually singing when my dad insisted on teaching us this song. Insisted because everyone seemed to have a couple of songs they wanted to sing that evening and this 'new' song was not on the list - I think he made us sing all the verses of the song (later we would jest him for the way he pronounced tomorrow as 't-morrow').

So singing this song on Father's day definitely brought a smile to my face and got me thinking 'what do Fathers have to offer these days?'. I'm sorry if that came across as confrontational but it is a heartfelt question. Roles are not as defined as they used to be and I wonder if we are doing enough to adjust our lifestyles to accommodate these changes that have been forced upon us by the times.

My dad and I have a few things in common - he is an enigma. A staunch Igbo man, apologetic but who gave all his plenty plenty daughters the chance/choice of great education early in life. He believes the woman's place is in the home and that the man's place is not far from home either. He does not subscribe to subservience - not in women, not at all - humility is not subservience. He does not talk only intelligent things with 'the boys' and 'kitchen stuff with the girls - maybe it helps that the boys are outnumbered. He tries to be fair and share what he has. He is a great lesson in openness.

Belatedly, on this celebration of Father's day, I join my voice in celebration of the many great Fathers, the many best dads in the world, of whom my Dad is arguably the best and say 'Well doing, well done!'.

Ready, Steady ...Action!

I have heard this severally: 'Actions speak louder than words' - I am sure you heard it too.

Is it fair to assess people based on what they say only, what they do only or a mixture of both? What if there is a conflict (as there usually is) between both words and action? Aha, and what of those things yet unsaid? The body language that is as silent as holding a breath?

People do things sometimes without thinking. Some people are naturally like that - impulsive, rash and even out rightly stupid. Some other people are more deliberate, the ones you have to step back from the moment to truly understand what they are on about - sometimes it'd have been already too late before you get to the 'aha!' moment, other times you never get there and have no clue that you are not there. Those are the ones I like to call shrewd. Of course there are some others who do things thoughtfully, ever so careful not to hurt/deface. I know a few people that fall under all categories, but till date the ones that I am most unforgiving towards are the shrewd people.

Based on the first statement, I guess we can safely divide people into 2 broad categories - action people and wordy people. There might even be a third category somewhere in there but I'd keep it simple.

Let me start from the relatively known: me. So I like to talk .... about me, whatever it is that catches my fancy at the time  - but I think if there was one thing I like to talk about, it is people and relationships: the whys and what-nots behind them. This does not make me a 'talker' in the strict sense of the word - I have met people who talk for the world and I KNOW for sure I am not one of them! So does that make me a doer? I think so - at least in the scale of things here. Although I find that I like to talk about things I want to do and sometimes many times I don't go through with what I spoke about because I 'heard' myself out or I got discouraged etc.On the other hand, I tend to judge people based on what they do, not say. Good intentions, in my dictionary, doesn't account for much - action does. I guess I do not mind being judged in the same manner.

I started posting this a few days ago because I remembered a few of my many-promises-friends with no action-all talk, no action. I guess I have been conditioned to drive a hard bargain over the years when it comes to relationships so that when it comes to making a clear distinction, there are people that make the ever decreasing list of friends and there are people who just exist as once-upon-a-time friends etc. Mostly, this is based on who does what they said they will do and nothing more. Like I've said several times over the past years "If it is important to you, you'd find time to do it. If it not important, you'd find excuses not to" and also "the most useless thing ever manufactured was excuse".

I wonder if I come across as more of an 'action' person as against a 'talk' person. I know, I have many an unfulfilled promises myself but I'd say at least I try. But I can't be judge and jury, can I? Sue me!

The bells are ringing....

....Alarm bells I mean.

I gotchya didn't I? Ok Maybe not.

That's mostly what I wanted to say - a feeble attempt at playing a prank. It has been long since I last played a prank on anyone. It'd seem I have become overly cautious...

Anyways, na gist I carry come, though reluctantly. So I go knack the tory for pidgin - na so e de do me today. So fast forward to the gist.

Na sense people full this world o. Me believe say, as me be pesin wen no de do cunny-cunny, no be cunny man go bury me! E be like say confusion plenty insai some people head wen dem wan join them wahala with anoda man own. Na so trouble de sleep yanga go wake am. Make una de hear o.

I bin de try hook one of my friends up with one guy wen de wok for my office. The guy try sha, im tall come de coole. No be say I no like better thing o, but as e be for that time, me sef don catch one mugu so I tink am say make me sef try arrange something for my girl.I bin think say na how shall i shy de do the guy so I take style bully am...you know, i fit call my friend just because the bobo waka enter my office con give the guy phone say make im by force tok. Na so so stammer im go de stammer. Trust me, na yabis i go finish am with. I try gaan o. I send picshaw - from one person to the other. No do no do, I connect them for BB. After much much my friend con de complain gimme say the guy just no de try. She gimme some kain gist before I stop to de try myself as matchmaker, I tell am to delete the guy jare. Finally sha, she delete d guy. Na im I organize one function so, both of them jam for dia na im d guy introduce imself to her - i laugh no be small wen i hear d gist con they think for my mind wetin im expect say go shele wen im introduce imself... Wonders shall never end.

Anoda one happen wen facebook join - na me be d busy body wen link the facebook insai the matter. No be say I no like this guy either but true tok be say this my other friend fit d guy pass - she don de de desperate to marry sake of say she be the first girl for her house and her younger sister sef don hook man. So una fit say na charity work i de do, truth fit de insai dat una tok. She sef try. Before the guy gree add her for facebook nko? Na me con de ask am say shey no be human being she be? Na so gist begin o - trust my friend, she knack d matter for head tell my guy say no be small pikin thing she wan do o, say na marry she de so. She con tell the guy how me sef don stamp am say na better person im be and dat her mama sef don look im face for facebook con like am. Make a no too tay for this gist, dem jam for one shopping center for lagos and na for dia d matter begin to end. Na im she con rethink wetin she wan do sake of say she wan marry...hmm! My sharp friend just about turn begin de shuffle the other cards wen she bin get for hand. Wen she tell me say d guy be like say na mago mago im de play, i con tink am kuku tell my friend make she take the matter coole try hear wetin her mind de tell am. Na so d matter don end. Wetin I go tok again? God de and person wen de find sth go meet am.

I de feel for my paddys wen i don give you dem gist so but menh! no be by force eh! No be because I don cross border na im I de yarn like otondo but true tok be say even if person marry imself wahala go still de. no be say make person no de pray say make e happen for am o, but sometimes e better make person de alone instead for to join body with wrong maga. anyways, d oda gist i get na work in progress, maybe e go be my first match making success! If e happen I go gist una.

Muah! Cash ya larer!

Being ignored

I remember mentally and vigorously nodding my head when I watched the movie (and now I forget the name of the movie) where the young boy felt and acted invisible-that was me! Somewhere between when I watched that movie and now, I have kinda perfected the art of being invisible.

It behooves me to say this, but I wasn't always a drawn-in, moody-swingy girl, full of introspective (sometimes over analytically inspired) insights. I used to be playful and naughty...until I grew up or like I like to say, life happened to me. Actually, it didn't happen in one instance...it must have been very subtle, seemingly disjointed events that led me into being this morose chic, who has the potential of a great smile but by default always wears a frown and a defensive demeanor.

So, i am broody. If you are looking for a picture of broody, Google me while I am at work...(Don't try that at home!). It is not like I like to form seriousness at work and not relax, because I actually like listening to music and gisting etc. However, I was quick to realize that the atmosphere changes in a split second and without warning. So I have been forewarned and that is my fore-arming. So in the absence of music (which calms my nerve generally) and general gist (which is not general these days as I can't seem to relate with what these people are saying and usually come off either annoyed, clueless or seemingly shallow), I am left with silence and browsing the 'net (if I dare). That is when I ignore completely what is going on around me-an act which I have sadly perfected.

Until recently, I was fine with it until I realized I was being ignored! Tufiakwa! Did I fume? "How dare...wait a minute, you started it first m'dear!" It really is not nice being paid back in your own coin even if you paid with good intentions. I guess!

The reason for this post was sparked when one cool-looking dude at the office (a big boss by the way) for want of something to do, walked up to me to make small talk while hanging around for his other important colleagues to get in. I realized that he was an uncomfortable position and felt sorry for him. I tried to do the small talk but couldn't make it past two sentences before we lapsed into uncomfortable silence. That's the difference between me and them - I am so not diplomatic and do as I will, no need for unnecessary nicieties. Please call the brain doctor - this lady here might need some help