everything you need?

u will be m-i-n-e mine
and i'd be y-o-u-r yours
i l-o-v-e love u
all the t-i-m-e time

u are the b-e-s-t best
of all the r-e-s-t rest
i l-o-v-e love u
all the time, time time....

she holds out her heart in her hands and looks deep into his eyes, searching. the "i love you" is believable but she wants more. True, her heart is not a pretty sight-it's been pummeled and bandaged, broken and glued back severally over the years. Yet she dares give it out again. The difference this time, is that she intends to part with all of it-no holds barred. So it is understandable that she searches earnestly for this reassurance from him. The painful past had taught her many-a-thing, one of which is that when love goes sour, it hardly is ever intentional: when someone told her "the last thing i'd do is break your heart", she didn't realize he meant it, till he made good on his promise.

Cautiously, ever so cautiously, she yielded to the dating game and now she was in it-hook, line and sinker. The past however came knocking again and with it, the fear of being hurt. Thoughts flooding in.. "will i be enough for him? Enough to make him stay -today, tomorrow and the tomorrows after?", "do i have enough to keep him- and me - together and happy or is this just a flash in the pan, like many a-relationship?" as much as she wants to be friend and lover to him, everything he needs from a companion, is that what he wants, is that what they will get? wait, wait! does she even want him to be her best friend and lover? she used to be an advocate of separating one from he other as a fail safe measure in the case one or the other fails?

"why now?" he asks. she replies:

 i ask now, because i still have my heart in my hands and am able to deal with the rejection better at this stage. say "no" please if you have any iota of doubt that we will be fine together - that i'd be everything you need. say "no" if you think we have insurmountable hurdles ahead-be it religion, tribe/race, background or personalities, past or future mistakes, family or friendships. it'd hurt now, but better now than later. it'd hurt, but not any worse than the past hurts i endured.

i ask because i have only one thing to give in this relationship - 100%. And what's more? I expect same in return. even if it does not come naturally to give it, i'm willing to take the chance this once. the worst part is that i'm convinced i am making a mistake and i am drowning out the still small voice or is it the gremlin? so here i am, all vulnerable but strong enough to deal with the truth-wake me up if i am dreaming!