Picture an old man and woman walking down a long road together, obviously comfortable in each other's company. Even though that is about all that is shown in the picture, one can't help but leave with the impression that the two people had weathered storms, had had a long journey together to get to where they were at the time, a sense of contentment, wear and tear but still a settled feeling. Then the words under the picture: "We come from a generation where if something is not working we fix it and not throw it away".
Celine Dion sang (when she used to sing I guess) "when i fall in love, it will be forever!" Amen I say to that. Did I hear many people snicker? I kuku no blame anybody.
To the subject under scrutiny. Now, I don't know the exact right way to ask this question, so please bear with the many variants-just extract the gist as you go, if yo will.
Is it okay to go into a relationship with the end in mind (and if the end in mind is marriage, I hear you are a desperado-meaning if the reverse is the case you are a player I guess)? Is it okay to get married knowing that divorce is an option? - I have always presume people dating will have broached the topic if only for its own sake. Knowing full well that everything I want in my partner is most likely not found in one person, how much compromise should I make? In making those compromises, what should guide me and knowing that people change, how much lee way should I give in my future expectations of them changing? More importantly, when is enough, enough-when should the towel be thrown in, or is it literally for life-mine or theirs?
Is it okay to go into a relationship with the end in mind (and if the end in mind is marriage, I hear you are a desperado-meaning if the reverse is the case you are a player I guess)? Is it okay to get married knowing that divorce is an option? - I have always presume people dating will have broached the topic if only for its own sake. Knowing full well that everything I want in my partner is most likely not found in one person, how much compromise should I make? In making those compromises, what should guide me and knowing that people change, how much lee way should I give in my future expectations of them changing? More importantly, when is enough, enough-when should the towel be thrown in, or is it literally for life-mine or theirs?
I have observed, and I stand corrected, that what is good for the goose is not good for the gander. My take on this is that 'na gander cause the imbalance-na my fault!' Lemme expound on my musings abeg. For instance, take this comparison: When a man decides to marry, I find that he searches and usually narrows his hopefuls to a few (excuse my generalizations but try follow my point based on the 'average' guy). I find that there is hardly a one that marries 'clean' in the sense that guys usually have one or two hung up relationships either unwittingly or deliberately needing closure-for 'emergency' sake? Then the few who came in with 'clean hands' may start indulging in the feast of dating after they 'secure their booty'.On the other hand, women have a different script to follow...If she is ready to marry, she hints the guy she hopes to settle with that it is his call to 'bell the cat'. If for some reason he doesn't take the hint, she decides to settle for the 'other' who is not as desirable but at least is serious enough. Usually a woman's options in need of closure, boil down to the one guy who she really enjoys being with but who, did not or could not reciprocate the feelings in a timely manner.Having said that, all I am inferring is that for the average woman, the only thing in need of closure is the spark ignited by the man of her dreams. The tendency that she wanders in search of 'new' trouble is not non existent, but generally not the norm.
Another poignant example is this: Nobody wants to date a married woman-in the Nigeria/African context, it is a taboo of sorts. However, it is as if a man does not become eligible until he marries/starts preparing to settle down...then every other chic takes a second, wistful look.
Also, the society expects that when a woman gets married she gives up on her preferences - to have fun, to dress up like a 'chic', to hang out with friends (male and female alike) and automatically dons responsibility and home management skills. Alas, the reverse is almost the expectation for guys - it is alright to hang out with the boys (the same unmarried ones you used to chase girls with a few months ago), stay out late having fun without her (your responsible marriage material wife), dress like a 'guy', and leave the home front running (including your meals and laundry) to your househelp -erm I mean helpmate.
I am sad some because I realize, like I said earlier...na women be the cause of our problems. Why we don't stick together like the men and make a taboo of dating married men eludes me. I guess that is why it is a man's world. You know what they say about it being more difficult to break a broom when it is bunched together versus a broom stick?
Lastly, though I have come almost full circle : from giving divorce a 50% chance of happening in my marriage, to 100% accepting that I am willing to make things workout for my marriage and will try to now being back to giving divorce just a little less than 50%, as I realize that marriage is important and the most subtle force in making the world a better place as God intended, I wont delude myself that if my relationship makes me feel like less of a woman/person I'd stay forever. I wish I could say I am of the generation of fixers of relationships... I hope I don't have to prove anything either way.
No comments:
Post a Comment